How to help your toddler adjust to younger siblings

Welcoming a new baby into the family is a huge change for everyone, including your toddler. They’re used to having your undivided attention, so suddenly having to share their parents and their home can take some getting used to.

It’s completely normal for toddlers to feel a mixture of excitement, curiosity, jealousy or even uncertainty about their new sibling. By being patient and preparing yourself, you can help your toddler feel excited about their new role.

How toddlers might feel about a new baby

Toddlers may not be able to communicate how they feel about a little brother or sister. Instead, their emotions might come through their behaviour.

They may be excited to meet the baby and want to help, while also feeling jealous when the baby receives more attention. This can be shown through increased tantrums, or even reverting to behaviours they might have grown out of, like wanting extra help getting dressed or fed.

This can be described as ‘sibling rivalry’ when children compete for their parents’ affection or attention. While your toddler adjusts to a big life change, try to view any difficult behaviour as communication rather than just bad attitude.

How to prepare them for their arrival

Early preparation can help your toddler understand that a big change is coming and give them opportunities to feel involved.

Tell them early

Let your toddler know about the new baby in a way they can understand, but there’s no need to tell them extremely early in the pregnancy.

Young children don’t have the same understanding of time as adults do, so saying something like the baby is arriving “in a few months” may not have much meaning to them.

As the due date approaches, try to use familiar events or milestones to help them understand when the baby will arrive. Keep conversations simple and give them plenty of opportunity to ask questions.

Prepare the baby’s space together

If you’re changing a space for the baby or creating a nursery, involve your toddler where you can. This could include helping choose a toy or picking a special item for the nursery.

Getting them involved can help make the changes feel like something they’re participating in rather than something that’s simply happening to them.

Get them comfortable with sharing

Your toddler may need to adjust to sharing your attention as well as sharing their home with a new baby.

Before the birth, you can gently introduce the idea that sometimes you’ll need to help the baby, while still reassuring them that you’ll make time for them too.

Avoid suggesting that they will need to “be a big boy” or “be a big girl” – becoming an older sibling doesn’t mean they need to suddenly just grow up.

Keep routines consistent

Toddlers often feel more secure when their familiar routines stay consistent. If you know that certain routines will need to change after the baby arrives, introduce small adjustments beforehand where possible.

For example, if bedtime needs to happen at a different time, make the change gradually. Keeping everyday routine familiar can give your toddler something predictable to rely on while everything else feels new.

How to introduce them

When your toddler meets their new sibling for the first time, try to keep the moment relaxed. Give them time to look at and explore the baby without putting pressure on them to interact.

You could introduce the baby as their new sibling and let your toddler decide whether they want to come closer or just watch from afar.

It can also help to make sure your toddler receives attention when they first see you, rather than making the entire moment about the baby. Remember that there is no ‘right’ reaction.

How to help them feel positive about their new sibling

Building a positive relationship can take time. Rather than expecting your toddler to immediately love being an older sibling, focus on helping them to feel secure and included.

Spend one-on-one time with your toddler

Even short periods of uninterrupted time can reassure your toddler that they haven’t lost their special place in the family.

It doesn’t need to be a big activity, it can be something like reading a story together or playing with your full attention. If someone can watch your baby, this is a good opportunity to spend some dedicated time with your toddler.

Use meaningful language

The way you talk about the baby can influence how your toddler feels about them. Instead of always saying that you can’t do certain things because you’re looking after the baby, try to explain what you’re doing and reassure your toddler you’ll be free when you can.

Reassuring language like “the baby is lucky to have you as their big brother/sister” can also help highlight their importance. There are a number of great books that are designed to introduce the idea of a new sibling to your toddler. These are a good way to help them understand, using the correct language.

Gifts

Giving your toddler a gift ‘from their new baby brother/sister’ can help to build a positive association between your two little ones. Alternatively, you can also take your toddler to pick out a special toy for their new sibling. They can give the gift themselves when they meet your newborn as a lovely way to ensure they feel involved.

Answer their questions

Toddlers often ask the same questions repeatedly, particularly when they’re trying to understand something new. Keep your answers simple and honest, using language they can understand.

They may want to know things like why the baby cries or why they need so much attention. Giving them space to ask questions can help them process the changes around them.

Offer reassurance and positive attention

Try to notice when your toddler is being kind or patient or helpful – make sure you don’t give praise that is only dependant on them behaving perfectly though. Regular assurance can help reinforce that having a new sibling hasn’t changed how much they’re loved.

How to help them get along

A close sibling bond might not happen immediately, and you should give your children time to get to know each other and allow their relationship to develop naturally.

Toddlers enjoy feeling included in small ways to help the baby. Depending on their age, you might ask them to get a clean nappy or choose the baby’s clothes while getting them ready. Tasks should be optional and age-friendly, and you shouldn’t leave your toddler unattended with a baby. It’s also important your toddler knows they don’t need to help all the time.

Creating memories around the new arrival can help your little one feel involved. This could be activities such as making a scrapbook for the baby together with pictures. The aim here is just to make a positive experience around their new relationship.

How to handle challenging behaviour

Even with all the right preparation and reassurance, there might be difficult moments. It’s normal for your toddler to be a bit more emotional or behave in ways that seem out of character for them. Keep in mind that they’re learning to cope with a major change.

Your toddler may need more reassurance than usual while they adjust. Give them time to understand their new role and recognise that progress won’t necessarily be consistent. This doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong!

It’s also natural to worry when your toddler doesn’t seem interested in the baby. Try not to expect a particular relationship between them straight away. Sibling bonds develop over time, and your toddler doesn’t need to be constantly affectionate towards the baby to have a positive relationship with them.

Be calm but firm

It’s crucial that you acknowledge your toddler’s feelings while maintaining boundaries around behaviour. If they’re angry or upset, let them know it’s okay to feel that way but that certain actions aren’t okay. Staying calm and consistent helps your toddler understand that they are safe to express their feelings, while behaviours still have limits.

Having a new sibling can feel like a big adjustment for a toddler, but it can also become a great opportunity for them to develop a new relationship. Above all, remember that your toddler is still learning how to manage big emotions. A little reassurance and understanding can go a long way as they find out what it means to be an older sibling.

While there can feel like there are so many things to think about when preparing for your second child, you can feel assured knowing the same sterilising methods you used for your firstborn remain unchanged.

If you have any products leftover from the first time, you can refamiliarise yourself with them. However, if you need to restart your sterilising journey, Milton is here to help. Our sterilising fluid and tablets are versatile for your newborn and tidying up after your toddler.