How to handle separation anxiety in toddlers 

Separation anxiety is a very common developmental stage experienced by toddlers, and is one that many parents may find upsetting, challenging and confusing in equal measures.  

Usually, separation anxiety in toddlers occurs when children reach an age where they are able to recognise the difference between those people they know and love, and strangers who they do not.

At this time, kids start to form deeper emotional attachments with their loved ones, and this can lead to them becoming distressed when parents leave the house, or when they are dropped off at nursery and must be separated from their caregivers. 

This is testament to their growing awareness of the world around them and their reliance on trusted caregivers. Separation anxiety is usually a sign of healthy emotional development rather than a problem.

With patience, consistency, and reassurance, most children gradually become more confident with separation. But, of course, that does not make it easier for parents to deal with their distress, tantrums and tears!  

Let’s take a closer look at separation anxiety in toddlers, why it happens, and what you can do to help toddlers through this difficult phase. 

When does separation anxiety start?

Separation anxiety can begin during infancy and often becomes noticeable between around 6 and 9 months. It is particularly common during the toddler years, although every child develops differently.

Some children experience separation worries for a short period, while others need extra reassurance into their preschool years. Changes such as starting nursery, moving house, illness, travel, or changes in family routines can also make separation anxiety more noticeable.

Recognising the signs of separation anxiety 

Separation anxiety can manifest in toddlers in a number of ways. These signs may include: 

• Crying or distress when a parent leaves: Whether it is dropping them off at nursery or leaving them with a babysitter, intense upset is a strong indicator of separation anxiety. 
• Clinginess: Some toddlers may refuse to let a parent out of sight, holding on to their clothing or insisting on being carried. 
• Difficulty settling: At bedtime or nap times, toddlers might resist going to sleep unless they have the comfort and reassurance of parental presence. 
• Regressive behaviour: In some instances, a potty-trained toddler may revert to having accidents or might need more help than usual with activities they previously managed independently. 

If your toddler exhibits these behaviours, rest assured that it is a normal part of their emotional development. While it can be heartbreaking to see your child in distress, understanding why it happens can make it easier to manage. 

Why does separation anxiety occur? 

Separation anxiety arises because toddlers build important emotional and cognitive skills but lack the full ability to grasp that a parent who leaves will return.

Their brains are still developing concepts such as object permanence and time. As a result, when they no longer see their caregiver, they may believe that person has disappeared indefinitely.

This fear can be compounded by routine changes, such as a new nursery setting or a move to a different home. 

Additionally, toddlers thrive on consistency and familiarity. When that stability is disrupted, they may react with anxiety and clinginess. The good news is that with patience and gentle intervention, most children eventually outgrow this stage. 

How long does separation anxiety last?

There is no single timeline for separation anxiety. Some children adjust within weeks, while others need months of repeated reassurance and predictable experiences.

The aim is not to avoid separation completely, but to help children experience manageable separations followed by positive reunions. Over time, these experiences can help toddlers develop confidence and trust.

Strategies for managing separation anxiety

1. Create a predictable routine 

Toddlers feel more secure when they can anticipate what comes next. Establishing a consistent daily structure – mealtimes, playtime, nap time, and bedtimes – helps them understand that there is a stable rhythm to their day, even if you need to step away briefly. 

2. Use short, positive goodbyes 

Lingering anxiously at the door can reinforce your toddler’s feeling that something is amiss. Instead, keep farewells brief and upbeat; offer a hug, explain when you will return using familiar events, and then leave.

Over time, your toddler will learn that your departure is not permanent. 

3. Practise separation in small steps 

Gently expose your toddler to short separations before larger ones. For example, leave them in another room for a few minutes while you do a task.

Gradually build up to leaving them with a trusted relative or friend for half an hour, then a bit longer, and so on. These experiences help children learn that separation is temporary and that caregivers return.

4. Provide a comfort object 

A favourite blanket, soft toy, or even one of your small personal items can reassure your child when you are not there. This tangible source of comfort can help them feel secure. 

5. Offer reassurances 

If your toddler is old enough to understand words, explaining your actions can help.

Toddlers benefit from simple explanations.

Instead of saying “I’ll be back soon” when they do not understand time, try using familiar events:

• “I’ll come back after your snack.”
• “I’ll see you after your afternoon nap.”

This helps children connect your absence with your eventual return and form mental connections between your departure and return. 

6. Stay calm and confident 

Children often mirror our emotions. If you appear anxious or guilt-ridden about leaving, they may pick up on those feelings. Project a sense of calm reassurance, reinforcing the message that separation is normal and not something to fear. 

Helping with nursery drop-offs

Nursery transitions can be especially challenging for toddlers experiencing separation anxiety.

Helpful approaches include:

• Visiting the setting before your child starts, if possible.
• Creating the same goodbye routine each day.
• Avoiding sneaking away, as this can make future separations feel less predictable.
• Speaking positively about nursery while acknowledging your child’s feelings.
• Asking nursery staff how your child settles after you leave.

Many children become upset during goodbye but settle once they begin an activity or connect with a familiar caregiver.

When should parents seek advice?

Separation anxiety is usually part of normal development. However, parents may wish to seek advice if anxiety is severe, continues for a long time, prevents participation in everyday activities, or has a significant impact on family life.

Supporting your toddler through separation anxiety

Handling separation anxiety effectively is important for both short-term and long-term wellbeing. It helps toddlers develop healthy emotional resilience, teaches them that they can trust you to return, and fosters independence. Parents also benefit by feeling more confident in balancing work, personal responsibilities, and family time. 

At Milton, we understand that being a parent is both a joy and a challenge—especially when dealing with difficult stages like separation anxiety. If you’re currently navigating this with your toddler, remember that this stage is normal and temporary. 

We’re here to support you through our parent advice pages where we share expert tips, guidance, and insights. Beyond this, we also provide a range of products designed to make everyday childcare more manageable and all created with families in mind. 

By feeling confident in the cleanliness and safety of your child’s environment, you can devote more attention to building healthy routines and addressing emotional hurdles like separation anxiety.